From Toxic Talk to Powerful Communication: Master Your Words
Stop Calling People Toxic: Why Your Words Might Be Undermining Your Power
In the world we live in today, it’s become almost a reflex to label someone as “toxic” when they frustrate us or disrupt our peace. We toss around that word quickly because it feels like a simple way to explain complicated feelings. But what if I told you calling people toxic isn’t just unproductive — it actually weakens your own power, clouds the real issue, and sabotages solutions?
Even calling someone “great” without specifics can dilute your influence and leave you sounding vague or insincere. The words we choose shape how we think, act, and lead. In this post, we’ll explore why you should stop calling people toxic, why precision in your language matters, and how to communicate with strength, clarity, and true leadership
The 3 Levels of Fillers That Undermine Your Power
Let’s start with a quick detour into language habits that quietly sabotage your credibility and influence. There are three categories of “filler words,” and all of them chip away at your power—whether in conversation, leadership, or everyday interactions.
1. Category 1 Fillers: Um, Uhhh, Like, You Know
We’ve all heard these crutches in speech—words like um, uhh, like, and you know. These are the easiest fillers to spot, and most people understand that they diminish the strength of your message.
Why? Because these fillers suggest hesitation, uncertainty, or lack of preparation. When you pepper your speech with “um” or “like,” your listener senses that you’re unsure, which breaks flow and reduces impact.
Pro tip: If you want to stop using these, try recording yourself speaking, then listen back to identify and consciously remove filler words—podcast hosts often do this with painstaking edits. It’s a powerful way to gain control over your verbal presence.
2. Category 2 Fillers: Just, Should
These are more subtle but equally damaging. Words like just and should quietly strip you of agency. When you say, “I just think…” or “You should try…,” you’re positioning yourself as uncertain or less authoritative.
“Should” makes your advice sound optional rather than necessary. “Just” minimizes your statements as if they’re less important or less assertive.
To reclaim your power, say what you mean directly and confidently. Replace “You should” with “I recommend,” or “This approach works best because…”
3. Category 3 Filler: Labels Like “She’s Toxic” or “He’s Great”
This is where language starts to have a big impact on relationships and leadership.
Calling someone toxic or great reduces complex human beings to simple emotional labels. These labels are feelings disguised as feedback—they don’t clarify behavior, cause, or effect. Worse, they cloud judgment and block solutions.
Instead of these emotional shortcuts, be specific and descriptive about behaviors and impacts.
Why Calling Someone Toxic Focuses on the Person, Not the Behavior
In the workplace and in life, effective communication is about learning, teaching, and influencing. But labeling someone as toxic shuts down these possibilities immediately.
Consider the difference:
- Saying, “Amir is toxic” puts the focus on Amir as a flawed person.
- Saying, “Amir talks over me in meetings, which feels dismissive” focuses on the behavior and the impact it has on you and the team.
The second statement invites dialogue. It identifies what’s going wrong and opens the door to understanding and change. It’s behavioral and constructive rather than judgmental.
Calling Someone Toxic Reduces Accountability — For You and Them
When you say, “Sophie is toxic” or “Jordan’s session was bad,” you’re avoiding responsibility — both yours, as a communicator and leader, and theirs, as someone whose behavior needs to be addressed.
Try this instead:
- Instead of: “Sophie is toxic.”
- Say: “Sophie missed the project deadline and came unprepared to the client meeting, which impacted the team’s reputation.”
- Instead of: “Jordan’s session was bad.”
- Say: “Jordan’s session lacked clear goals, which made it hard for the team to stay engaged.”
Notice how these alternatives describe what happened, why it matters, and how it affects outcomes. This is essentially the STAR method (Situation, Task, Action, Result) and it’s a leadership communication tool that gets results.
The Other Side: Be Specific When You Praise, Too
Just as vague criticism like “toxic” is unhelpful, so is vague praise like “Sophie is the best.”
Instead, be specific:
- “Sophie is reliable; I can count on her to meet deadlines.”
- “Jordan communicates clearly and keeps sessions engaging, which helps our sales team learn faster.”
Specific feedback builds alignment, trust, and clarity. It connects behavior to value and impact.
Why Calling Someone Toxic Muddies Problems That Need Solving
Throwing around the word “toxic” is a shortcut that avoids introspection and problem-solving. It feels satisfying in the moment — like putting a label on the problem — but it doesn’t actually help you solve anything.
In fact, this kind of language can make you a complainer rather than a problem solver.
To move from frustration to action:
- Identify specific behaviors that cause issues.
- Reflect on possible causes: Is it skill, attitude, communication style, or something else?
- Consider solutions: Can training, coaching, or clear expectations fix this?
Why Language Matters So Much in Relationships and Leadership
Precision in language is more than just good manners — it aligns intentions and fosters trust. Alignment is the bedrock of any effective team or relationship.
- Hard work without alignment is inefficient.
- Solving problems, not emotions, keeps teams moving forward.
- Precise language builds faster trust.
- Trust is the foundation of influence.
- Influence is the foundation of leadership.
- Leadership is the foundation of true power.
Are You Toxic? Reflect Before You React
Most people don’t think of themselves as toxic. Yet, certain behaviors might earn you this label in others’ eyes, sometimes unfairly.
Consider if you:
- Aren’t straightforward, leading people to guess your opinions or intentions.
- Tend to be negative or overly critical without awareness.
- Lack empathy or struggle to connect emotionally.
- Use abrasive or harsh language unintentionally.
- Prioritize your own needs over the team or company’s greater good.
- Escalate conflicts unnecessarily or cross personal boundaries.
Self-awareness is key. Proactively seeking feedback and owning your behavior is a hallmark of growth-oriented leadership.
Visual Recap: How Language Impacts Power and Relationships
(This summary mirrors the visual recap shared at the bottom of the original post you referenced.)
| Language Habit | Effect on Power | What to Do Instead |
|---|---|---|
| Saying “Um,” “Like” | Shows uncertainty, breaks flow | Pause silently instead, be confident |
| Saying “Just,” “Should” | Weakens agency, sounds unsure | Speak assertively and directly |
| Calling Someone “Toxic” | Personal attack, avoids solution | Describe specific behaviors and impacts |
| Calling Someone “Great” | Vague praise, lacks clarity | Give specific examples of strengths |
Final Thoughts: Take Control of Your Words, Take Control of Your Power
Language shapes reality. When you stop calling people toxic and start naming behaviors, root causes, and outcomes, you reclaim your power as a communicator and a leader.
You become solution-oriented, build trust, and influence with intention. Next time you feel triggered to slap a label on someone, pause, breathe, and choose precision. It’s a simple practice that transforms frustration into growth and conflict into connection.
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